Are Women Becoming“Too” Capable?

Are Women Becoming

“Too” Capable?

The Peninsula Woman

Jul – Aug 2004

Seeing the level of expertise, ability, and talent in so many of my female clients and friends is extraordinary. I am “in awe” of how women have developed the capacity to accomplish beautiful things in their professional lives. But is there a problem emerging out of this? What happens when a woman becomes “too” capable? What is the risk she takes with being able to “do it all?” 

In this age of empowerment of the feminine, what IS our next REAL step as women? How long must we go on proving we are independent and capable? Have we perhaps become “too” capable?

The feminist movement fulfilled a deep need that was emerging for women. Women were restless. They needed to diversify and change their role within the family and find their creativity outside the home. The movement was required, and many positive things emerged. The imbalance I believe we are now experiencing is the presence of strong, competent women who cannot build and maintain healthy and intimate relationships. This is what happens when we become “too” capable.

Men need to feel needed. They also need to rule and exert control in some way. Most importantly, men must also have a worthy cause to fight for. Without these tasks, they cannot fulfill their archetypal roles as a man. Just as much as a woman needs to be in authority, be creative and beautiful and show compassion and nurturing, men must also fulfill their masculine role within their relationships. 

Male Archetypes for Healing Your Relationships.

For men, the Hero is a classic archetypal figure often portrayed in mythology as one who must confront a difficult path or obstacles to birth his manhood. Women, please take note here!! Men need to feel valuable and heroic in their relationship with women. This is what helps them to know they are required! Please consider this archetype as the foundation necessary for maintaining your relationship with your man. Find ways to help your man feel NEEDED!

(Please note here:  I did not say you have to be “needy.”  You must help your man feel needed.)

The King archetype is the following important figure that is important to a man. First, he must have control somewhere. He must have space, even a tiny corner of the bedroom. If he doesn’t, he will find space elsewhere! (If he is the King, that must mean you get to be Queen!)

(Please note here: I did not say that you must give him the entire house or bow to his every whim. Give him space. He will be grateful.)

Lastly, a man must go to battle for worthy causes. This Knight archetype is essential. The Knight has spiritual overtones of service and devotion. Make sure you know your “Knight’s” reasons and help support him in his quest! Support this archetype in your man, and you will find him “getting things done” around you! These are the chivalrous and protective qualities that he must be able to feel to be a sensitive and complete man.

(Please note: I did not say he would do things for you if you supported him. Just support him. He needs a cause besides you!)

The concept of integration with the male and female archetypes is needed during this time. If you are single, you must ask yourself whether or not you are “too” capable. Is this the reason you are not in an intimate relationship? The risk of your tendency to be “over capable” is you ending up alone. Where is the balance? Can you have balance? 

Please remember, I am not asking you to silence the solid masculine qualities you may have developed over the years. Instead, I am asking you to consider what you may have risked in being “too” capable. If you would love to be in a relationship, I assure you that if you honor these archetypes in your man, one day, you will find that the Hero, King, and Knight are right there waiting for you when you come home.