What is Your Enneagram Role in Your Family?

"If we observe ourselves truthfully and non-judgmentally, 

seeing the mechanisms of our personality in action, 

we can wake up, and our lives can be 

a miraculous unfolding of beauty and joy."

― Don Richard Riso, The Wisdom of the Enneagram:

As a Counselor, I work with many types of families. It is lovely to help family members understand their unique and energetic role within their, as determined by the Enneagram 9 type system. 

You can find your type by taking an online test, such as the one at https://cloverleaf.me/assessments/enneagram/. Before starting your journey, take the test a few times to ensure you agree with the results, and have each family take it. 

After they clarify their number, it helps to explain their family members' energies, too. It's fun to share our numbers and can be an "a-ha" moment for everyone!

An old saying is, "You can pick your friends and intimate partners, but you can't pick your family."  Your family is who they are. So, if a family member's energy challenges you or you are just interested in knowing more about them, the Enneagram can help.

What does the Enneagram say about each type's role in the family? 

One - The Reformer

Type one is the family idealist and perfectionist. They help fulfill family expectations and instill values and standards. Be kind as they navigate what is expected. 

Two - Helper

Type twos become family helpers. They focus on pleasing or diligently looking after everyone's needs. Be careful they do not over-give—hug them often.

Three - Achiever

Threes fulfill the role of the family stars, embracing parents' dreams of success.  Ensure they have their own goals and can quit when they want to!

Four  - Individualist

Fours shed light on the family's feelings. They encourage their loved ones to address complex familial shadows. Make sure they have a channel for their creativity.

Five - Investigator

Fives prefer to have space from family dynamics and seek the role of family expert.  They are intelligent researchers. Ask them questions!

Six - Loyalist

Sixes are loyal and build strong family unity. Shy children can generally always see the other side of things. They diligently protect their families and are very loyal. 

Seven - Enthusiast

Sevens fill the role of family cheerleader, bringing smiles to family members, seeking to minimize pain, and encouraging play. 

Eight - Challenger

Eights become family protectors, exerting leadership as children and taking on responsibility for loved ones. 

Nine - Mediator

Nines act as family peacemakers, mediating conflicts and always ready to help others see both sides. Make sure they know it's okay to have differences of opinion, too! 

How do the suggested roles for your type line up with your experience?  Can you see others in your family taking on these roles? Does this list give you hints about their type or your type? 

Families can be complicated, but tools like the Enneagram help bring families closer and provide them with more understanding of their behavior!