The Peninsula Woman
Jul – Aug 2006
Perhaps one of the single most influential people in our lives is our father. Whether he is the best dad in the world, a great father, or completely absent, the effect our father’s presence (or lack of presence) he had on us is instrumental to our development.
Many of my clients reveal to me the intense frustration they had with their fathers. The fact is that not all fathers are there for their children. What can we do about this? Is there a solution to, “Who’s your Daddy?”
If your father showed up for you, then this article may not pertain to you. But if you experienced difficulty with your father please read on. I will start with the worse case scenario.
Some time ago I had a lovely woman client come to do some counseling with me, (I shall call her Karen) who not only experienced lack of support from her father but, was sexually molested by him (repeatedly) from a very early age. There were many indications of lack of support from her father in her horoscope but the key indication was that Saturn was Retrograde. And it was retrograde in the area that had to do with communication. The Saturn Retrograde phenomena in any horoscope is a profound indication that there were inferiority feelings developed in early childhood that resulted from the lack of authoritative love from the father. Karen’s experience is extreme.
After working with Karen for a while she finally realized that it “wasn’t her fault” and it certainly wasn’t “her charts fault” but rather it was a developmental issue that she was now willing as an adult to take responsibility for and embrace. One of the things she realized she needed to do was to learn how be an authority in her communication. Communication became the obstacle to overcome rather than trying to gain acceptance. She knew this next step in developing “her own inner authority” was necessary. She had to learn to trust herself and find her own voice so that she could create a healthy relationship with a man to whom she could trust. Karen is now involved with a man with whom she is able to express her opinions to. She knows this is an ongoing process and works on it daily.
Another client came to me (lets call her Sandy) with similar frustrations with her father but hers came with the condition of a somewhat passive and absent father (another indication of Saturn Retrograde). He would buy her lots of gifts but she never experienced any loving guidance. Consequently, in her longing for a relationship she choose wealthy older men who bought her only nice things. She always felt empty. After a few sessions and the realization that it “wasn’t her fault” she determined that it was time to look more deeply at what the men she dated “valued” instead of what they bought for her. She began to express her own values within her relationships and has begun her healing journey.
It is never too late to heal our relationships with our fathers. You can begin to do this by taking responsibility in your own life with what you think you did not receive from your father and learn to express it for yourself. Many famous people have had Saturn difficulties. Marilyn Monroe for example grew up in twelve foster homes and married at 16 so as not to end up in an orphanage. Throughout her life her relationships were tumultuous and difficult as she pursued outside of herself the responsibility that she needed to incorporate within herself.
Finally, we have John. He seemed to have had a good father relationship. After much discussion I learned that he had a lot of difficulty within his relationships. I did not encounter the Saturn Retrograde phenomena but rather another difficult Saturn position in his chart. After a few sessions, John realized that he needed to create his own sense of being a man. I suggested he read the book, “Iron John” by Robert Bly. He called me a few weeks later and was thrilled. With excitement in his voice he was astounded at the new direction the counseling had opened up within him and the book was something he would refer to often. He knew now that it was OK to go out and create the family that he wanted, stop complaining about what he didn’t get and take responsibility for his life!
The relationship we have with our fathers can be seen as a force that can choke or limit us, or it can guide us into accepting our responsibilities in life and moving forward. Saturn in any horoscope is a significant indicator of the necessary responsibilities that we need to embrace in life.