Are Women Becoming

“Too” Capable?

The Peninsula Woman

Jul – Aug 2004



It is extraordinary to see the level of expertise, ability, and talent in so many of my female clients and friends.  I am “in awe” of the way so women have developed the capacity to accomplish wonderful things in their professional lives. But, is there a problem emerging out of this?  What happens when a woman becomes “too” capable?  What is the risk she takes with being able to “do it all?” 

In this age of empowerment of the feminine, what IS our next REAL step as women?  How long must we go on proving we are independent and capable?  Have we perhaps become “too” capable?

The feminist movement fulfilled a deep need that was emerging for women. Women were restless. They needed to diversify and change their role within the family and find their creativity outside the home. The movement was needed and many positive things have emerged. The imbalance that I believe we are now experiencing is the presence of strong, extremely capable woman who areunable to build and maintain healthy and intimate relationships. This is what happens when we become “too” capable.

Men need to feel needed. They also need to rule and exert control in some way in their life. Most importantly men must also have an honorable cause to fight for. Without these tasks they just cannot fulfill their archetypal roles as a man. Just as much as a woman needs to be in authority, be creative and beautiful and show compassion and nurturing, men must also fulfill their masculine role within their relationships. 

Male Archetypes for Healing Your Relationships.

For men, the Hero is a classic archetypal figure who is often portrayed in mythology as one who must confront a difficult path or obstacles in order to birth his manhood.Women, please take note here!! Men need to feel useful and heroic in their relationship to women. This is what helps them to know they are needed! Please consider this archetype as the foundation necessary for maintaining your relationship with your man. Find ways to help your man feel NEEDED!

(Please note here:  I did not say that you have to be “needy.”  You must help your man feel needed.)

The King archetype is the next important figure that is important to a man.  He must have controlsomewhere.  Even if it is a small corner of the bedroom, he must have his space. If he doesn’t, he will go find space elsewhere!  (If he is the King, that must mean you get to be Queen!)

(Please note here: I did not say that you must give him the entire house or bow to his every whim. Give him space.  He will be grateful.)

Lastly, a man must go to battle for honorable causes. This Knight archetype is essential.  The Knight has spiritual overtones of service and devotion.  Make sure you know what your “Knight’s” causes are and help to support him in his quest! Support this archetype in your man and you will find him “getting things done” all around you!  These are his chivalrous and protective qualities that he must be able to feel to be a sensitive and complete man.

(Please note: I did not say that if you support him, he would do things for you.  Just support him.  He needs a cause besides you!)

What is needed during this time is the concept of integration with the male and female archetypes. If you are single, you must ask yourself whether or not you are “too” capable. Is this the reason you are not in an intimate relationship? The risk in your tendency to be “over capable” is you ending up alone. Where is the balance?  Can you have balance? 

Please remember, I am not asking you to silence the strong masculine qualities that you may have developed over the years. I am asking you to look at what you may have risked in being “too” capable.  If you would love to be in a relationship, I assure you that if you honor these archetypes in your man one day you will find that the Hero, King and Knight are right there waiting for you when you come home.