|What to Do
The Peninsula Woman
Jul - Aug 2007
Eight years ago I became an ordained Minister with the Universal Life Church. After I officiated my first wedding ceremony in May of 2001 I felt it an honor and a privilege to be able to conduct this sacred ceremony.
There are many different aspects of any wedding day and there are certainly many important thingsto consider, but in my experience what seems to be the most important aspect varies with every couple. Every wedding I have been to has been absolutely different. No wedding day is the same, and there is no such thing as a perfect day. There is YOUR day. YOUR perfect day, and your dream about what it can become.
Are you prepared for YOUR Day?
The first thing I ask a couple when they come to me is: “How do you want to feel the day after your wedding?” Your wedding day is not only a financial process but a spiritual one too. My next question is, “What do you want to remember most about the day?” Many couples say they just want to heighten their experience of love they already hold for their partner. They desire a ceremony that reflects in words and music what they already feel about their loved one. This sounds great, but what do YOU want to do? Have you asked yourself truthfully both of these questions?
What is Important to YOU?
Memory plays a big part in planning any event. What you want to remember is very vital to the process. If you are caught up in the logistics of the day, you might forget what you want to have memories of. Do you want to remember how beautiful you looked or how beautiful the location was? Do you want to see your family and friends gathered around you, or do you just want the love of your life standing before you? These are important questions that will help you to determine what kind of ceremony to plan. At the spiritual level this is pure “gold mine” material.
To have the wedding you want, you must be able to accurately describe within yourself what your vision is. This will help you determine the success of the spiritual experience. If you want to remember being the “Goddess” that you are, then by all means spend the money on a beautiful dress! After one wedding, the bride called me later and said how happy she was that she spent the time and money the perfect dress and makeup artist. She said, “I really wanted to look like a Diva for at least one day in my life, and now I have the pictures to show that!”
That may sound superficial, but for her, the memory of her day is complete. Another bride emailed me after the wedding to say, “Our wedding was so perfect. Like a dream! Thank you so much for helping make it so meaningful!” Before the wedding she said, “We are really looking forward to getting married, with our close friends and families, and hope you will enjoy it also!!! I'd like it to be a relaxed, romantic, fun & love-filled day for EVERYBODY!!!!!”
What is YOUR Wedding about?
Is your wedding about “you” or is your wedding about “your families? Most people naively assumethat the entire process will focus around them. But in so many situations nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes the wedding day ends up not being about the couple at all, but about how they are going to have to arrange their different families to avoid any anticipated catastrophes. (Yikes!) For this I suggest a small private ceremony and a big party for everyone else later. The couples that have been married in this way have expressed to me how happy this was for them, and know at least the ceremony was about them.
I must admit this experience is sometimes, but not always the case with couples that have the big wedding. One friend of mine wanted to elope but opted for what her husband wanted, which was a big family wedding. In the end she was really happy because the thing she remembers the most about her wedding was dancing with her dad. To this day, she says this was truly the highlight of her day. She still gets tears in her eyes thinking about it. Now she realizes how important the concept of family really is to her.
So what do you want when preparing to say, “I do?” Sometimes asking the questions is enough. For others, being able to honestly answer them is more important. Remember it is YOUR day! YOUR memories! Your life.