Our Best Allies
May - Jun 2003
An Astrological Perspective
It took me many years to realize the importance of women friends. I had always found relating to men more comfortable and easy. (Of course they are. Women are complicated, weepy, needy and boring!)
It wasn’t until I was about 29 years old when I met the most remarkable woman. Her name is Sandy. After meeting Sandy, I truly experienced what it meant to have a woman friend. She was the first woman whom I respected. She was strong, yet gentle, intense, and a marvelous healer.
Qualities that I needed to have in my first woman friends. She was also a mother, an artist and a wife. She taught me that it was safe to trust women. This was something I had never experienced before. Since Sandy, I have developed so many wonderful Women friends. It has been truly a remarkable road to recovering a deep sense of sisterhood.
What is a friend?
When I am out around town, I love to see two women sitting and having lunch together, shopping together or walking with their children. Just recently, I put an index card on my desk with the names of all the women that represent friendship to me. I have 16 names on that list. They vary from great friends, those I can call anytime and they will be there for me, to incredibly supportive friends that I can call “now and again.” I have my sisters on that list. I don’t have to tell you what category they fall into. I am blessed with them.
Why is friendship different for women?
Women need to have women friends. Why? Because as I said before, women are complicated. For example, if you have a close male friend you can talk to anytime, for any length of time, he either wants to be involved with you romantically or has extremely feminine innate qualities. Try talking to a masculine man about how you are feeling and what you are processing for too long, and he will either space out, or perhaps honestly tell you, “this is too much” for him. Not so for a woman. She will listen, offer advice, nod her head and simply “be there for you.” Most men feel that they must “do” something, handle the problem or figure out a course of action to take when you tell them your issues. Women need an ear, a heart, and a hand. I am not saying here that all women or men will respond in the same way. My experience in the end is the gift that a woman can bring to another woman, is her presence.
What qualities do you need in a friend?
What qualities do you need in a woman friend? One way I found the answer to this was through my astrological chart.
An Astrological Perspective
There are two places in an astrological chart that I look to understand friendship. First, the planet Venus, and where it is placed in your chart. Second, I also look to the 11th house, the ruling planet of that house, and the planets located there. Of course I also look to many other factors in the chart, but these are my first navigational points of reference. I have Venus in Cancer in the 8th house. My friendships are with mothering, sensitive, and leadership types of women. They may actually “be” mothers, but more importantly they must elicit a mothering, caring energy to me. The fact that Venus is in my 8th house indicates the need fro my friends to be “healers” and interested in the Mysteries of Life. They must also be able to handle and relate to my interest in the deep psychological issues of life. It is wonderful and comfortable for me to look at life from that perspective and therefore important that my friends want to discover the lovely hidden areas of the deeper part of the psyche.
Your astrological chart holds many keys to understanding yourself. It is a map of heavens when you were born. It doesn’t tell you how to think or feel but rather what your tendencies might be. It can be empowering, deep and insightful, yet comfortable and gentle. It doesn’t answer all your questions, it doesn’t tell you what to do, but it can be a helpful guide through the tough and hard times. Well, now that I think about it…. It is a lot like my Women Friends. What a welcome relief that is!